A devastating feeling

The devastating feeling which comes to my mind and takes me to a sea of thoughts is the thing which I want to avoid in my life but unable to do that. The feeling where I start thinking where life has taken me to, and where I have taken life to is too difficult to bear. I wanna fly and go away from this feeling. Is it really gonna tear me apart??? I feel scared at times. I feel and wish the time stops here and I never go back to normal world which seems quite abnormal to me. Is it a normal feeling? may be not, but who cares.what I care is I wanna go somewhere and see who I am and what I am doing to life............. Is there anything in this life called pure happiness without any fear, any motto, any hidden reasons, any desire,any subconsciousness which exist in mind, any lust, any unrealized greed, any want???? I am trying hard to understand and find out whether this kind of happiness exist.............. Perhaps not. People who claim to realize that are either are not normal people or they are fake. I see them preaching about hundreds of things in such a convincing way that one can not doubt them but in reality they are also hollow from inside. I want to meet a person who really is existing and understand the meaning of being happy and noble and good at the same time. I am not saying that it's not possible to be happy and noble together but I don't see people in one color all the time. People change as per situations and mold themselves as per the circumstances so are they following their own rules? no they are not.
Many times I think that why am I so bothered what people do. Why cant I live my life as my rules and my ideas of good and bad. But it's not easy. At times my confidence shatters and takes me to thoughts from where it all seems painful.

You came in my life..........

I wish I had this power to see through the heart of other people, I would have seen what's in your heart but unfortunately I am not blessed with that capability. You have made me think too much about life and people. This life seems too complicated to understand things now. But I still love it.

You came in my life like any other unexpected thing but things have come and gone and never made it so difficult to read them. I would not say you are successful in doing that but yes you made the other things blurred to me. Yes you became an unavoidable page of this book of my life. Yes you occupied precious moments in my life. Yes I have given you the right to touch my heart but will never give it in your hands to play with it . So I will never stop you to stay with me in life and I let you go because you have to go for the betterment of life and to make it big.And I wish you and I will move on happily and remember our friendship to make it a meaningful existence of us in this world.