Sometimes it just happens

OMG........Its been so long I haven't written. May be that was something I was missing on for last few days. So here I am . When it's full either it gets blast or it gets cool down.So I am calm right now.
Sometimes an unknown strength comes from nowhere and gives you an extra power to smile in all kind of situations.
Sometimes just a simple "Hi" makes your day. Sometimes just a glimpse makes you happy. Sometimes no reason is required to celebrate. Sometimes no search has to be done to find peace. Sometimes No one has to appear to remind you of his/her existence. Sometimes no music has to be there to make you sing. Sometimes no occasion has to be there to dance. Sometimes no rain has to be there to make you rinse in water. Sometimes no fun has to be there to enjoy. Sometimes no pain has to be there to cry. Sometimes no relation has to be there to care. Sometimes no reason has to be there to love. Sometimes all these things just happen. so live these moments to fullest. Because who knows these moments will come again or not.
Last few months of my life were full of ups and downs, Infact more downs than ups. But when I sit back and think I find that , All that was inside me which has made those situations up or down. So knowing all that I am trying to control my inner world, which is not an easy task.
Anyway I don't know if it happen with others or not but I find it more difficult to control the inner world.
The days, weeks, months and years are moving too fast but I feel that life has just started.I want to start it from a new beginning. And I am very keen and excited to start it all over again with some new ambitions and with a new thinking and different kind of experiences of life.

A devastating feeling

The devastating feeling which comes to my mind and takes me to a sea of thoughts is the thing which I want to avoid in my life but unable to do that. The feeling where I start thinking where life has taken me to, and where I have taken life to is too difficult to bear. I wanna fly and go away from this feeling. Is it really gonna tear me apart??? I feel scared at times. I feel and wish the time stops here and I never go back to normal world which seems quite abnormal to me. Is it a normal feeling? may be not, but who cares.what I care is I wanna go somewhere and see who I am and what I am doing to life............. Is there anything in this life called pure happiness without any fear, any motto, any hidden reasons, any desire,any subconsciousness which exist in mind, any lust, any unrealized greed, any want???? I am trying hard to understand and find out whether this kind of happiness exist.............. Perhaps not. People who claim to realize that are either are not normal people or they are fake. I see them preaching about hundreds of things in such a convincing way that one can not doubt them but in reality they are also hollow from inside. I want to meet a person who really is existing and understand the meaning of being happy and noble and good at the same time. I am not saying that it's not possible to be happy and noble together but I don't see people in one color all the time. People change as per situations and mold themselves as per the circumstances so are they following their own rules? no they are not.
Many times I think that why am I so bothered what people do. Why cant I live my life as my rules and my ideas of good and bad. But it's not easy. At times my confidence shatters and takes me to thoughts from where it all seems painful.

You came in my life..........

I wish I had this power to see through the heart of other people, I would have seen what's in your heart but unfortunately I am not blessed with that capability. You have made me think too much about life and people. This life seems too complicated to understand things now. But I still love it.

You came in my life like any other unexpected thing but things have come and gone and never made it so difficult to read them. I would not say you are successful in doing that but yes you made the other things blurred to me. Yes you became an unavoidable page of this book of my life. Yes you occupied precious moments in my life. Yes I have given you the right to touch my heart but will never give it in your hands to play with it . So I will never stop you to stay with me in life and I let you go because you have to go for the betterment of life and to make it big.And I wish you and I will move on happily and remember our friendship to make it a meaningful existence of us in this world.

"लम्हे"

अगर रात के डर से आँखे मूँद ली,
तो ये जो अभी के लम्हे हैं वो गुज़र जाएंगे।
कल सुबह तो फिर से आ जाएगी,
 मगर हम इन लम्हों को नहीं जी पाएंगे।
यूँ गुज़र गए सालों , की हमें इसका अहसास ही ना होने पाया,
खयालो में हम एक अरसे से जा कर बैठे हैं,
इस आस में की वो फिर हमे बुलआएंगे।
ज़िन्दगी है कि मीलों की रफ़्तार से दौड़ रही है,
और हमें फिर उसी मोड पे छोड़ रही है।
मंजिल तोह अब भी साफ़ नहीं दिख रही,
पर हम चल रहे हैं की शायद उसी से जा टकरायेंगे।
यूँ रहा  अभी तक जीवन का सफ़र
की न हम चुप रह सकेंगे और न किस को बता पाएंगे।
ये कहना मुश्किल है की क्या खेल है ये
अब तो शायद आने वाले लम्हे ही ये बताएँग!!!!!!!!!

एक दिन बादलों में उड़ते हूए ये ख्याल आया........

एक दिन बादलों में उड़ते हूए ये ख्याल आया........

यूँ तो पानी में कई बार उतरे हैं हम,

पर बादलों के समंदर में तैरने का मज़ा कुछ और ही है!

ऐसा लगता है मानो हर एक बदली कुछ कह रही हो हमस,

और हम उस आवाज़ को सुनने की कोशिश में लगे हैं!

काश की हम आसमाँ की इस ख़ामोशी को समझ पाते,

तो हम चुपचाप हर एक बदली से बतियाते!

सुना है आँखों की भी एक जुबां होती है...................

काश की हम इन बादलों की आँखों में झाँक पाते,

तो हम इशारों ही इशारों में हर एक बदली से बतियाते!

Another new year of my life.

So here I am, entering into another new year of my life. I wish in this new year I would be a better human being,better daughter, better friend,better employee, better sister and a better self. I wish i will learn more, grow more and will become stronger to survive in this world.

Again I face this problem of not able to put my feelings in words. I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel amazed, I feel surprised, I feel a lot many things and for a moment I also feel neutral, not affected by anything around me. Whatever......... I had a good day today. I thank to all people who took their precious time to wish me on this special day of my life . It would have been completed if just another wish would have come to my way.

" Khaali kitaab ke pannon ko dekh kar bas yahi khyal aata hai, ki kash ye mumkin ho jaye, ki apni aane wali zindagi ko inn panno par utaar sakoon"

Meaning of my existence

I know it’s a strange world and everybody living in it is strange in some or the other way. After spending years here I still feel that it’s a mystery to me. I still have many questions in my head, I still want to trust people, I still want to behave like a newborn baby who does not know the true picture of this world. But I am no longer a new born baby or a child. I have grown up and have seen this world to a great extent, it’s not very good feeling though. People are living like animals, No…… wait a minute not like animals, but like some other specie which can do any damn thing for survival. Animals can’t go to that extent.

When I go back and think about the time when I was a child I laugh at myself, I laugh how innocent I was. But today I am fighting very hard not to laugh at the situation where I am not able to recognize the true meaning of my existence. Do we come on this earth to live a hectic life, to face some challenges, to get some happiness and some sorrows and then to leave this life and people forget us like we never existed. And during this life-cycle some people seem very kind, very generous, very true and others seem very cunning, dishonest, liars and cheaters but It’s not necessary that they are how they seem. Here the mystery begins. You never get to know ‘who is what’ except a “verrrrrrry few people” and the day you lose trust on any of those “verrrrrrrry few people” you shatter completely. But you can’t break down, life does not allow you to do that. You have to stand up courageously and say that you love it. Life is so deceptive at every moment. I am not saying it does not have nice moments in it, but it’s difficult to differentiate. What seem nice might not be nice and what seem disgusting might turn out a nice thing. So again the mystery starts.

I don’t know too much about the world but I am trying to find out the reason for my existence, and I am dying to find it out.